I’m not even sure what I feel at this point. A cocktail of emotions seem to be spinning through my system chaotically with very little rationale. They hit at odd moments and disappear without reason. I may even be feeling some emotions I’ve not felt before. Emotions I don’t recognize. Many years ago, when I was in psychotherapy, my doctor gave me a poster with dozens of those little ‘happy face’ type fellows listed on it. Each one of the little dots expressed a different emotion. I was to refer to this poster on a regular basis, staring at these little yellow guys in the hopes of identifying the emotion I was feeling at the moment. I wish I knew what I did with that poster. I think I could use it now.
The stress surrounding the required preparation for leaving the states seems to have gone round the bend into a land of tranquility. It is hard to organize my thoughts and remember everything that needs to be done before the September 3rd departure date. I know I’ll forget something, but I feel it will be ok. It will work out…somehow. So, until I leave, I will plug along, doing what my muddled brain remembers to get done. More importantly, I will eat what I want to eat, listen to music I love, and take long hot showers. I will continue to stare at everything and everyone around me in amazement. I will continue to live on the edge of crying because of the beautiful, painful, and bittersweet moments I encounter. And I will continue to tightly hug each person I come in contact with….as if it may be the last time I get to hold them in my arms.
There is major challenge and struggle ahead. Until it is time to experience it, I will continue to “be”. I will continue (as recommended by one of our Peace Corps Co-horts) to “take it all in”.